When love is real.. you KNOW it.

I dedicate this to those who have been heart broken, and who want to believe in love again. I wrote this.. 10-17-11. And 3 years ago exactly that I THOUGHT I was in love... and now 3 years later, in a new and more happy relationship, and through much prayer and meditation, through much self reflecting and taking responsibility for my past wrong doings, and asking for inner peace,.. I NOW know the meaning of love:

When love is REAL... you know it. You start to notice when the little things that matter(ed)... change(d). You know love is real.. when you don't want their money, you simply want their attention & time.. you KNOW love is real.. when you cry at the thought of losing that person... you KNOW love is REAL when you talk about that person NON-STOP and you want that person to meet everyone in your family & all your friends, you KNOW the love is real, when people can see how much your partner makes you smile and glow, you KNOW love is real, when that person consumes your thoughts.. your dreams, your time line on twitter, your status's on facebook.. you KNOW love is real.. when you'd give your LAST just to see them happy, even if it means you may not have anything left. You KNOW love is REAL.. when you don't give a DAMN what anyone says... even your family! you KNOW love is real, when you tell them EVERYTHING... even the things you wouldnt tell your best friend... you KNOW the love is real, when you'll do things with them & for them... that you would NEVER normally do for any other person you've ever dated. You KNOW love is real... when you want to be friends with your partners's friends. You KNOW its REAL love... when you can set aside your wants/needs.. for their wants/needs... you KNOW its love... when you will go through anything for them...even after having your heart broken several times in the past.. and NOT give up on them... just because of the past. You know its REAL love.. even when you have doubtful moments, you remember all the good times and good conversations. You KNOW its REAL love... when you can take them at their worst... you KNOW its real love.. when you can look them in the eyes, and NOT have to hear the words "I love you," you can just see it in their eyes... you KNOW its REAL love... when you can brag about them, and NOT feel ashamed or embarrassed. You KNOW its real love, when they accept your flaws and you accept theirs, WITHOUT trying to change them. You KNOW its real love, when you ONLY want to see them succeed.. even if it means you'll have to sacrifice/struggle. you KNOW its real love, when you're willing to re-locate for them...even if you miss out on being in the same city as your friends. YOU KNOW its REAL LOVE... when your partner is willing and able to put aside their pride, when they see you're in need. You KNOW its real love, when you're able to admit to being wrong. You know its real love, when you want to grow old with them, and still view them as attractive, EVEN if they put on a few pounds and grow hair in unlikely places. You know its REAL love.. when you accept his/her family as yours. You KNOW its real love... when ppl whisper doubt into your ears, and you deflect it and give it NO attention. You KNOW its real love... when you have an insecure moment.. they SHOW you... and tell you... that you have nothing to worry about, and assure you that you're still amazing...you KNOW its real love.. when they don't snap at you for feeling insecure... you KNOW its real love.. when no one else in the past... or present... can compare...you KNOW its real love... when you can't picture having a family without them... you know its REAL love.. when you feel it in your heart...without a doubt... and you're willing to stay committed, faithful, and put in the work.You know its real love, when a temptation is knocking and being for your attention, but it doesn't phase you, because know you have something GREATER and long lasting, YOU KNOW its real love... when you hold their hand & they can hold your hand-- during the most difficult times rather than abandoning .. you KNOW its real love... when you can be honest ALL THE TIME and feel guilty when the THOUGHT of lying crosses your mind..You know its REAL love, when you're willing to risk your life for theirs, and willing to risk your life to travel miles away, just to meet them in person for the 1st time You KNOW its love, when you give up on yourself and they keep picking you back up and dusting you off, and telling you to try again, and they REMAIN in your corner... you know its REAL love.. when you put them..before yourself.

re-born from a dark time

i was bitter for so long... Im so happy Im not that way anymore. Sometimes a person from your past can bring out the worst in you...and all it takes is constantly remaining in an unstable situation...and that bad energy can rub off on you, and make you become a negative person... as humans & life forces made of energy, emotions, powerful thoughts and spirit/soul, we feed off vibes, and someone can scar you so badly, to the point where you'll almost refuse energy, and love... out of pure fear of getting hurt again... but i refuse that fear! I refuse to give up on MYSELF. I was raised to believe in love, and believe in good. Yes there is bad in this world. but I REFUSE to let it rub off on me, and make me lose sight of whats more important in this world. I will NOT get caught up in drama, or superficial, shallow-ness or anything less than righteousness and love. I almost let that go... I almost let my past control me, and I almost let the pain stick with me. But I had to forgive myself of the past wrongs I've caused others, and forgive the person who hurt me most and wish NO ill upon them. I only wished that they would learn from their mistakes, the same way I learned from my mistakes. I did not wish them any pain... but the pain I felt... I had to experience...so that i could learn from my mistakes. Im a new person because it! Im a new person because I've been re-born into love, peace and balance within myself. ♥

Be aware

As a child of The Divine, Most High... I know it is my JOB to help others. I am a disciple of good. I can not do harm onto my enemies....its not within me... but at the same time, if I see someone, who has the potential of being a good person...but they're going down the wrong path, I feel obligated to help them. This can be a blessing and a curse. You have to be VERY careful who you decide to help or who you decide to call "friend"... there are those who prey on kindness... they will pull you down ON PURPOSE... and they will get you caught up in all kinds of evil. Just like here on earth.. the one's who smile in your face and talk dirt about you behind your back... those are people to look out for. You can pray for them from a far..and wish them well from a far... but if you see someone who has a DARK energy around them... who puts on a front or acts "fake"...be aware!!! they may have a dark seed within them so strong...that it over powers their goodness.. some people have NO good in them at all! Some people just pretend.... smh. its a sad world we live in, but judgement day WILL COME! you don't have to be religious to know that! All religions believe it. Even those who believe in reincarnation...know this. They (evil ones) will put something so dark on you...do harm to you...to make you want to do harm onto them! DO NOT do it! it is a trap to get you off the path of righteousness! their time will come, where they will pay the price for their wrong doings.

The Evil Agenda

European History 101: Letter from King Leopold II (1st cousin to Queen Victoria) of Belgium to Colonial Missionaries, 1883

Reverends, Fathers, and Dear Compatriots:

The task that is given to us to fulfil is very delicate and requires much tact. You will go certainly to evangelize, but your evangelization must inspire above all Belgium interests.

Your principal objective in our mission in the Congo is never to teach the niggers to know God thus they know already. They speak and submit to a Mungu, one Nzambi, one Nzakomba, and what else I don't know. They know that to kill, to sleep with someone else's wife, to lie and to insult is bad.

Have courage to admit it; you are not going to teach them what they know already. Your essential role is to facilitate the task of administrators and industrials, which means you will go to interpret the gospel in the way it will be the best to protect your interests in that part of the world.

For these things, you have to keep watch on disinteresting our savages from the richness that is plenty in their underground. To avoid that they get interested in it, and make you a murderous competition and dream one day to overthrow you.

Your knowledge of the gospel will allow you to find texts ordering, and encouraging your followers to love poverty. Like happier are the poor because they will inherit the heaven and it's very difficult for the rich to enter the kingdom of God.

You have to detach from them and make them disrespect everything which gives courage to affront us. I make reference to their Mystic System and their war fetish - warfare protection - which they pretend not to want to abandon, and you must do everything in your power to make it disappear.

Your action will be directed essentially to the younger ones, for they won't revolt when the recommendation of the priest is contradictory to their parent's teachings. The children have to learn to obey what the missionary recommends, who is the father of their soul. You must singularly insist on their total submission and obedience, avoid developing the spirits in the schools, teach students to read and not to reason.

There, dear compatriots, are some of the principles that you must apply. You will find many other books, which will be given to you at the end of this conference. Evangelize the niggers so that they stay forever in submission to the white colonialists, so they never revolt against the restraints they are undergoing.

Recite every day - "happy are those who are weeping because the kingdom of God is for them." Convert always the blacks by using the whip. Keep their women in nine months of submission to work freely for us. Force them to pay you in sign of recognition - goats, chickens or eggs - every time you visit their villages. And make sure that niggers never become rich. Sing every day that it's impossible for the rich to enter heaven.

Make them pay tax each week at Sunday mass. Use the money supposed for the poor, to build flourishing business centres. Institute a confessional system, which allows you to be good detectives denouncing any black that has a different consciousness contrary to that of the decision-maker.

Teach the niggers to forget their heroes and to adore only ours. Never present a chair to a black that comes to visit you. Don't give him more than one cigarette. Never invite him for dinner even if he gives you a chicken every time you arrive at his house.

music that moves me

I woke up today with music on my brain. I need to start making more, but for now...Im just gonna say that this song of the day is titled "The Love Movement" and its by A Tribe Called Quest

Simply amazing track, which made me just wanna jump up and bob to the left and right, swingin my hands in the air like a true 90's hip hop fan. I hope it inspires you!

here we go again

wow. I dont know how I get myself into these situations. Thinking that I won't get my feelings hurt. even the sweetest guys have a sour side to them. Its not in my interest or his.. for me to mention what it is. I guess others would/could say that it could be worse.. but I dont even want to accept whats been presented to me. I just cant seem to get a break from bad news...or news that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I need to just lay extremely low for a while. I dont know what to do anymore, what to feel anymore, what to express anymore. but its ALWAYS something.. and I need a release. I dont want to come off as depressed.. but I cant help it. Its just always something. I am going to try really hard.. to just lay low. I want to be socially dead. Im drinkin this wine. and going to sleep. goodnight.

Problems

Sucked into a hell that i can only escape through death. yet I refuse to bury myself. I won't take my life, thats the easy way out. Things get more and more interesting. I lost my job on the 25th of this month..and things are becoming more and more stressful. Wondering how Im going to pay my rent and bills. Im grown, so i can't depend on my parents to bail me out of this one. I don't even want my father knowning, because it'll only hurt him, and cause him to worry, and I don't want him to worry about me. Medical stuff with my leg is starting to resurface.. its like I cant get a break....