Transitions

I've come to understand that people REALLY do change like the seasons. I'd never imagine that I would be here right now.. no longer engaged, and re-discovering who I am , and what I want in life. I guess I went into the engagement blindly. Thinking that love could conquer all, but really, some times love defeats its self. What do I mean by that? Well... not to sound egocentric or self centered.. but i love myself too much... too much to have continued changing who I was, to make someone else happy, all in the name of love. Plus, I loved him too much, to continue pretending like I was happy. It was killing my spirit. But I wanted to try and make it work, after all, there was so much invested in our relationship, and our families had bonded.. so I felt in a sense... obligated.. I was at a constant battle with myself.. and I didnt deserve and neither did he. He was nothing less than a good man. We just weren't meant to be together. He can't accept things about me that I value, and I couldn't bare risking resentment on his end or mine. I told him, that I had to sacrifice loosing him, in order to find myself, and what really makes me happy..and that if I were to later discover that he is/was what I needed/wanted this entire time, but then Im too late, that I'd be willing to accept that as my fate, and that it was meant to be that way. I believe God sets certain people in our lives for a reason. And there is no doubt in my mind that my ex-fiance was one of those people... he was a man of God and he taught me so much. I know after being with him, that the next guy in my life, will have a lot to live up to. Not really a competition..because no man is the same or close to the same as the next... but I know what my standards are now. My ex was perfect...just not perfect for me, and I can finally say that with ease & comfort in my heart. It saddens me that it ended the way it did, and at the time it did.. because we had plans for next month, and he had invested in buying me a new suv.. but I had to let him go. He didnt deserve a woman who was 1/2 hearted in the relationship. How could I be true to him, when I wasnt true to myself??? This by far, has been the biggest lesson I've learned in life. Don't be with someone just because you think it makes them happy (yet you're not happy).. be with someone because you feel it in your heart FULLY.. and never second guess why you're with someone. The moment you feel yourself second guessing... take a minute to reflect, and attack that thought. Make actions before its too late..and emotions and families are involved. I hate that I got his family & my family mixed up in this mess. I regret the pain I've caused, on so many levels. I pray that he finds the right woman that completes him. I really do. And if The Almighty see's fit, to make me reap what I have sown.. then I'll deal with it. Im constantly growing. I was NEVER perfect.. no one is. I know Im going through a major transition in life.. and for that, Im forever grateful. Life is full of lessons. Im taking this time to re-learn who I am, and what I want in a man/relationship, however, my main focus is on me. If love is in my future, it'll fine me, Im not looking for it anymore.
Namaste.