Be aware

As a child of The Divine, Most High... I know it is my JOB to help others. I am a disciple of good. I can not do harm onto my enemies....its not within me... but at the same time, if I see someone, who has the potential of being a good person...but they're going down the wrong path, I feel obligated to help them. This can be a blessing and a curse. You have to be VERY careful who you decide to help or who you decide to call "friend"... there are those who prey on kindness... they will pull you down ON PURPOSE... and they will get you caught up in all kinds of evil. Just like here on earth.. the one's who smile in your face and talk dirt about you behind your back... those are people to look out for. You can pray for them from a far..and wish them well from a far... but if you see someone who has a DARK energy around them... who puts on a front or acts "fake"...be aware!!! they may have a dark seed within them so strong...that it over powers their goodness.. some people have NO good in them at all! Some people just pretend.... smh. its a sad world we live in, but judgement day WILL COME! you don't have to be religious to know that! All religions believe it. Even those who believe in reincarnation...know this. They (evil ones) will put something so dark on you...do harm to you...to make you want to do harm onto them! DO NOT do it! it is a trap to get you off the path of righteousness! their time will come, where they will pay the price for their wrong doings.

The Evil Agenda

European History 101: Letter from King Leopold II (1st cousin to Queen Victoria) of Belgium to Colonial Missionaries, 1883

Reverends, Fathers, and Dear Compatriots:

The task that is given to us to fulfil is very delicate and requires much tact. You will go certainly to evangelize, but your evangelization must inspire above all Belgium interests.

Your principal objective in our mission in the Congo is never to teach the niggers to know God thus they know already. They speak and submit to a Mungu, one Nzambi, one Nzakomba, and what else I don't know. They know that to kill, to sleep with someone else's wife, to lie and to insult is bad.

Have courage to admit it; you are not going to teach them what they know already. Your essential role is to facilitate the task of administrators and industrials, which means you will go to interpret the gospel in the way it will be the best to protect your interests in that part of the world.

For these things, you have to keep watch on disinteresting our savages from the richness that is plenty in their underground. To avoid that they get interested in it, and make you a murderous competition and dream one day to overthrow you.

Your knowledge of the gospel will allow you to find texts ordering, and encouraging your followers to love poverty. Like happier are the poor because they will inherit the heaven and it's very difficult for the rich to enter the kingdom of God.

You have to detach from them and make them disrespect everything which gives courage to affront us. I make reference to their Mystic System and their war fetish - warfare protection - which they pretend not to want to abandon, and you must do everything in your power to make it disappear.

Your action will be directed essentially to the younger ones, for they won't revolt when the recommendation of the priest is contradictory to their parent's teachings. The children have to learn to obey what the missionary recommends, who is the father of their soul. You must singularly insist on their total submission and obedience, avoid developing the spirits in the schools, teach students to read and not to reason.

There, dear compatriots, are some of the principles that you must apply. You will find many other books, which will be given to you at the end of this conference. Evangelize the niggers so that they stay forever in submission to the white colonialists, so they never revolt against the restraints they are undergoing.

Recite every day - "happy are those who are weeping because the kingdom of God is for them." Convert always the blacks by using the whip. Keep their women in nine months of submission to work freely for us. Force them to pay you in sign of recognition - goats, chickens or eggs - every time you visit their villages. And make sure that niggers never become rich. Sing every day that it's impossible for the rich to enter heaven.

Make them pay tax each week at Sunday mass. Use the money supposed for the poor, to build flourishing business centres. Institute a confessional system, which allows you to be good detectives denouncing any black that has a different consciousness contrary to that of the decision-maker.

Teach the niggers to forget their heroes and to adore only ours. Never present a chair to a black that comes to visit you. Don't give him more than one cigarette. Never invite him for dinner even if he gives you a chicken every time you arrive at his house.

music that moves me

I woke up today with music on my brain. I need to start making more, but for now...Im just gonna say that this song of the day is titled "The Love Movement" and its by A Tribe Called Quest

Simply amazing track, which made me just wanna jump up and bob to the left and right, swingin my hands in the air like a true 90's hip hop fan. I hope it inspires you!

here we go again

wow. I dont know how I get myself into these situations. Thinking that I won't get my feelings hurt. even the sweetest guys have a sour side to them. Its not in my interest or his.. for me to mention what it is. I guess others would/could say that it could be worse.. but I dont even want to accept whats been presented to me. I just cant seem to get a break from bad news...or news that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I need to just lay extremely low for a while. I dont know what to do anymore, what to feel anymore, what to express anymore. but its ALWAYS something.. and I need a release. I dont want to come off as depressed.. but I cant help it. Its just always something. I am going to try really hard.. to just lay low. I want to be socially dead. Im drinkin this wine. and going to sleep. goodnight.

Problems

Sucked into a hell that i can only escape through death. yet I refuse to bury myself. I won't take my life, thats the easy way out. Things get more and more interesting. I lost my job on the 25th of this month..and things are becoming more and more stressful. Wondering how Im going to pay my rent and bills. Im grown, so i can't depend on my parents to bail me out of this one. I don't even want my father knowning, because it'll only hurt him, and cause him to worry, and I don't want him to worry about me. Medical stuff with my leg is starting to resurface.. its like I cant get a break....

Deepest thoughts & questions of my current life.

Its moments like this where my mind tends to wonder. I never know where my mind will take me, when moments like this occure. Maybe its because i feel a heighten'd sense of awarenss... either way... Tonight my mind is stuck in a universe that I can't fully describe. The reasons for everything in life that occure.. just day-to-day things. some being fate.. and some being the opposite...Its been a long time since I wrote a blog like this, and Im honestly nervous about what I'll type next.

All I can say is.. there is the purpose.. I feel... in which I am ment for, or was born to fullfill.. and I firmly believe in ALL things happening for a reason.. and the one thing I can't seem to grasp.. is the reason for the most recent events in my life... which I am too embarrassed or ashamed to even publicly share on this blog. But expressing how i feel on blog..makes me feel a sense of comfort... or ease.. because no one really knows what Im talking about, but me... yet to still get a glimps of whats on my mind, YET you CAN NOT judge me because you don't know all the facts

... You see.. I have this problem.. Im too nice.. its in my nature to be nice, even when someone doesn't deserve it.. its like something that can not be tamed.. I've tried to meditate on it, pray on it, and be as short as I can be on the issue.. but something in the core of me won't let me be pure mean to to others & am convinced that its my soul.. my spirit that only allows me to be nice. It irritates me because I feel like Im at constant war with myself. As though my mind & my heart are at war. Fighting to get power over my actions.. it kills me. I just don't want to make any mistakes.. fall into any traps.. or go on a never ending cycle of pain. How is this possible though? If life is full of lessons.. then why do i keep going through the same chapter in the assignments, getting the same results.. even though I feel like I've studied enough to understand... and know what situations to avoid.. yet with this situation.. I can't seem to grasp it. Is there something wrong with me? I am even human..? because I feel like everyone has a breaking point.. but for some reason, i feel like i dont have one.. or maybe I havent reached it yet? when should one have a breaking point?? do people really change? is a 2nd chances ever enough? how many times must one repeat the same mistakes before learning the actual lesson or getting it right????

In a Poets dream

A Poets Dream was the scheme when I jumped on the scene...I had a vision and it was he with me...♥
I searched high and low, to the deepest part of the bluest sea...and still God wouldn't let me find him...until it was meant to be.
I dream of him at night and even during the day...and with nothing but love and compassion in my heart...his name I can not wait to say.
But I yield to infatuation...because I know something pure and true will really take patience.
I've had my heart broken enough...but it didnt make me weak, it only made me tough. I love harder and stronger, even when the times get rough. Because when love is real, it can even heal. Heal the wounds from the past, from the promises broken and the lies that were told. I know a REAL man is waiting, to hold and console. Love me past my hurts and until I open up and love back with no control.
Without fear of pain, just being equally loved the same.
Because though right now, it may be a dream.. I know someone where out there.. he is waiting for me.