due time

Hippie, flower child, free spirit, guided by the wind, attracted by the light. Something is not right, in the dead of night, she awakens to the darkness of her soul being attacked by the reality of society. Trying to concentrate on her dreams, and running away from the nightmare that haunts her. Twirl that glow stick, fight off the demons, say a prayer and chant and snap... something is happening.. to her true reality she must tap. The sounds of melodies from her mind chime in. Is it real? This abstract world or state of mind, and her soul mate she found, reads her mind all the time. In a quontum state of thinking, it feels like her brain is bleeding, searching for the meaning, searching for the answers. Are we really alive? Do you and i exsist? And if I seek an answer through my 3rd eye...does that open up my mind? and in the end all i can say..is in due time....

some spoken word.

To you/ this may frighten/ but trust ima bring it/ its time to enlighten/ you niggas so ignortant it makes me belligerent./ Its time to teach the children/ time to make um rise/ gotta get them out the dark into the sunlight./ They constantly fall to streets/ only to bleed/ never know the meanin of anything deep./ I try to educate um but they just don't learn/ they do not have the passion man/ they just don't yearn./ They steady wastin brain/ but they always given head/ niggas over sleepin man/ lets get um outta bed./ They sayin that they hungry but they won't go get the bread/ they claim they really livin but they evidently dead./ these fellas on jamaica man/ they mentality is dread./ you gotta taste fa weed/ yeah its obvious to see/ but daddy Im the soil and you gotta plant the seed./ Im tryna grow a garden man/ Im hopin for some trees/ wanna feel the summer breeze/ but niggas actin silly they wanna pack the heat./ So theres the end of fun, when a nigga bring a gun./ All positive is gone/ violence wins the battle but peace will win the war./ females aint all inoccent, some uh them are whores/ they lookin for awakening, but the signs they ignore.

Transitions

I've come to understand that people REALLY do change like the seasons. I'd never imagine that I would be here right now.. no longer engaged, and re-discovering who I am , and what I want in life. I guess I went into the engagement blindly. Thinking that love could conquer all, but really, some times love defeats its self. What do I mean by that? Well... not to sound egocentric or self centered.. but i love myself too much... too much to have continued changing who I was, to make someone else happy, all in the name of love. Plus, I loved him too much, to continue pretending like I was happy. It was killing my spirit. But I wanted to try and make it work, after all, there was so much invested in our relationship, and our families had bonded.. so I felt in a sense... obligated.. I was at a constant battle with myself.. and I didnt deserve and neither did he. He was nothing less than a good man. We just weren't meant to be together. He can't accept things about me that I value, and I couldn't bare risking resentment on his end or mine. I told him, that I had to sacrifice loosing him, in order to find myself, and what really makes me happy..and that if I were to later discover that he is/was what I needed/wanted this entire time, but then Im too late, that I'd be willing to accept that as my fate, and that it was meant to be that way. I believe God sets certain people in our lives for a reason. And there is no doubt in my mind that my ex-fiance was one of those people... he was a man of God and he taught me so much. I know after being with him, that the next guy in my life, will have a lot to live up to. Not really a competition..because no man is the same or close to the same as the next... but I know what my standards are now. My ex was perfect...just not perfect for me, and I can finally say that with ease & comfort in my heart. It saddens me that it ended the way it did, and at the time it did.. because we had plans for next month, and he had invested in buying me a new suv.. but I had to let him go. He didnt deserve a woman who was 1/2 hearted in the relationship. How could I be true to him, when I wasnt true to myself??? This by far, has been the biggest lesson I've learned in life. Don't be with someone just because you think it makes them happy (yet you're not happy).. be with someone because you feel it in your heart FULLY.. and never second guess why you're with someone. The moment you feel yourself second guessing... take a minute to reflect, and attack that thought. Make actions before its too late..and emotions and families are involved. I hate that I got his family & my family mixed up in this mess. I regret the pain I've caused, on so many levels. I pray that he finds the right woman that completes him. I really do. And if The Almighty see's fit, to make me reap what I have sown.. then I'll deal with it. Im constantly growing. I was NEVER perfect.. no one is. I know Im going through a major transition in life.. and for that, Im forever grateful. Life is full of lessons. Im taking this time to re-learn who I am, and what I want in a man/relationship, however, my main focus is on me. If love is in my future, it'll fine me, Im not looking for it anymore.
Namaste.

Im waiting....

Im waiting for you. I've been here since long ago. Even when you left me with nothing to show. I was still here. And though I do not stand alone, I've got someone by my side...Im still here for you, Im still ride or die.
I wait, silently for you to take charge. You know what it takes to be a man. All you have to do now is take full command. Don't you understand? Im the damzel in distress, and if you can't take me at my worst...you dont deserve me at my best..and this situation that Im in...is just a test...to see if you're willing and able, to take what is so rightfully yours. You always claim its me you adore...but the feelings you're showing...makes me feel like Ive been ignored. I need you to know that Im waiting. I wish I could be up front and blunt...but honey, Im the prey...and you're on the hunt. Its always been that way...why should it change? My love for you has always been the same. Dont take this as a rejection to letting you in...because my heart is open baby...Im waiting...and when you're ready, you can be assured that Im ready to recieve you. Be mine again...because baby...Im waiting.

Secrets....

I have secrets...and I dread to take them to my grave...a place in me is so empty because I dont have you. the out-let to my life..I could share anything with you, and everything with you...without being judged..you accepted me with understanding, and open arms, when I felt afraid, it was you that would shield me from harm...
Im screaming and kicking like a baby...holding on as tight as I can to my past...while my present is pulling me to a future unknown. And surrounded by new people in my life...I still feel so alone. Your heart is my only home..no matter where I may rome...I want to shout your name to the world...and be clear so that they all may hear...but I fear rejection. But I fear suffering and pain, because the hurt you caused already left a stain...I have secrets...Im afraid to take them to my grave...these things keep bottled in only to consume my insides...what ever shall I do?

Death

My peaceful place of worry free, I know one day it soon shall be. When the worries of this world will no longer be in the mind of this weary dweary girl. I know I may sound "negative-nancy" but excuse me for not always keepin things so "happy".
So many times I try to see the silver line around the grayest cloud...but still my depression screams out loud. Why? Set backs and conflicts...which...make me feel the inner "witch" in me arise...
Words so harsh that I don't mean to say, go flying out of my mouth into another's face...in this crazy, unstable place...
A child of The Almighty & still I crave truth & direction...because its hard looking in the mirror and not knowing that reflection...staring back at me. Wondering how she became...
Strange to know one day death will take over that reflection...I will one day no longer be...no more cares, no more worries. No more confussion, no more work. No more pain or anything..until judgement. Death.

how u spell love?

how do you spell love? when you reach a point where the happiness, security, and development of another person is as much a driving force to you as your own happiness, security, and development, then you have mature love. true love is spelled G-I-V-E. it's not based on what you get but rooted in what you can give to the other person. But then what's left to give when you've given all you can?